Sometimes you wonder how physical abuse happen and how people tend to find themselves in such relationships. Let me remind you, attitudes, character, flaws etc. do not show on an individual’s face just like HIV. So tell me how a victim would know a man who claimed to love her would slap her? How would she know he is an abuser without abusing? Would she know from his behavioral pattern?
No! Most times you only know until it happens.
So stop with the victim blaming because a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t even know their partner is abusive until they are really deep, some don’t know they are been abused while some are in Stockholm syndrome
Domestic abusers are not strangers; they are your brothers, sister, friend, colleague, boss, acquaintance and so on. My question to you is, what do you do when you find out “that person” is an abuser?
Domestic violence and abuse happen to gain and maintain total control over a person. He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to keep you under their thumb. Be well aware that it can happen to anyone, it does not discriminate, It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels but while women are more often victimized, men also experience abuse.
What are the signs of an abusive relationship?
It’s an abusive relationship When you start getting scared of your partner, you apologize for everything (your fault or not), Constant calls, texts, or tracking by their partner wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with, If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them or constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up.
Accusing of insecurities, belittles you a lot, Overtly jealous or possessiveness over the victim, curfew, Low self-esteem, disrespect you in the presence and absence of friends, and tries to control you telling you what and what not to do and feelings of self-loathing, see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person, helplessness, and desperation.
It’s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.
People who are being abused may:
Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
Go along with everything their partner says and does
Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
Some think “oh, it’s just a slap she’ll get over it”, “small bruise? She’ll heal up” but no, the effects of physical abuse are deeper than the physical it’s far more reaching.
The short-term and physical effects can range from cuts, bruises, broken bones, and other physical maladies but other effects from these injuries are long-term
- Suicidal behavior
- Self-harm
- Panic disorder
- Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Anxiety; fears; compulsive behavior
- Sleep disruption
- Excessive crying
- Anger and hostility
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulty trusting others; relationship problems
- Anger and hostility
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulty trusting others; relationship problems
- Poor weight gain
- Chronic pain syndrome
- hypertension
Violence and abuse affects not just the women involved but also their children, families, and communities. These effects include harm to an individual’s health, possibly long-term harm to children, and harm to communities such as lost work and homelessness.
The cycle of violence in domestic abuse
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern or cycle of violence:
Abusers are very controlling and manipulative and tend to put fear and isolate their victim and It’s very easy to blame the victim of abuse because you’ve not experienced it know what they go through or will go through.
When you suspect an abuse it’s not about you trying to revenge but about the safety and health of said victim, please speak up, you just might their voice at that moment. Don’t tell yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or that the person might not want to talk about it, keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save their life. Inform the person of the signs you’ve noticed, let them know you’re there when they want to talk and assure them of secrecy.
Leaving an abusive relationship
It’s alright if you don’t leave right away but creating a safety plan can help you know what to do if the abuse happens again.
Identify a safe friend and safe places to go.
Create a code word to use with friends, family, or neighbors to let them know you are in danger without the abuser finding out. If possible, agree on a secret location where they can pick you up.
Keep an alternate cellphone nearby.
Memorize the phone numbers of friends and family,
Make a list of things important things to take if you have to leave quickly
Ask the doctor for necessary medical items for you or your children.
Protect your online security as you collect information and prepare.
Try to take with you any evidence of abuse or violence if you leave your partner.
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