The statement “you did yourself by yourself” could be as a result of yielding to self-doubt, it’s easy to let circumstances and self-doubt sabotage you, your business, goals and achievements.
Self-doubt is that troubling and persuasive voice that holds you back from accomplishing, seizing your opportunities and much more. You want to start something new- you start questioning yourself and doubt your ability, you want to travel- you get scared of the road, doubt the driver’s or pilot’s ability, doubt your safety, you want to write a course-you doubt you can succeed, need to do a job for a client- the doubt rises “you’re not so smart, he won’t be impressed”, your boss gives you a leadership role but instead you give the vibe “ah, why me sir” because You do not think you’re up for it.
Truth is, we all grapple with self-doubt, every single one of us does, it is something I fight with every day, it has a way of getting under my skin to make me feel worthless but what I do is to look through previous jobs, tell myself “I did that, you can do it again” and poof I’m on.
Trying to quench those “Thomas’s”?, These tips will help you conquer your self-doubt and take charge.
Understand the root of your self-doubt, why does it happen? Is it fear or lack of something? Is it from past experience of failure? Or comments from people? Anxiety to face your boss or be a leader? Made real life changing mistakes that creeps up with negative thought?
The moment you start to realize there is a problem, how much it affects your productivity and mental health, you might be on your way to tackling it.
- Stop Making Excuses
You may be afraid to fail, afraid of the outcome, afraid to look bad, afraid to take on more than we think we can handle, so we become used to making excuses before giving an opportunity a trial. The brain cooks up millions of reasons why we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do.
I can think back on so many opportunities I have missed out on, turned down, or just simply brushed aside because of one silly excuse I gave myself. These are big mental barriers we erect in our minds that hold us back, sometimes could be as a result of laziness, procrastination, lack of confidence, previous experience and more but Are these reasons legitimate or just mere excuses?
Control your mind, when the excuses come, give yourself more reasons to do it.
- Say Stop
Once you discover there are negative voices and excuses running inside your head giving you reason to doubt yourself and your worth, take action immediately, stop it! don’t let them spin out of control or grow from a whisper to discouraging sentences.
Talk back at it, communicate with yourself and try to stay in the present moment and focus only on the positives. In your mind, say “Not today, not ever, I am doing this and it will be a blast” or “I can do this, if I fail, I learn and If I succeed, I learn”
Let Motivation and constructive optimism radiate around you and in you. Expediently shift your focus and thought into something different-an event that made you happy, a successful project done, sweet memories, positive message, speak positivity to your mind- this will give room for clear mind and help you look at things from a new perspective.
Also, listen to audio books or podcast that can help you shift your self-doubts into optimism and into thinking constructively about your challenge to a more positive direction.
- Talk and Seek Help
It is important to work on ourselves and also important to talk about how we feel to loved ones, including family, partner, friends, mentors, supervisors or therapist
Keeping your thoughts on the inside isn’t healthy and may eventually not be in line with your reality or your true self, so let someone in. just talking about them out loud can help you hear how exaggerated these thoughts have become.
- Self-Compassion and Balance the negative.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, cold-hearted toward yourself or be angry at yourself, you’re most likely going to do that but it doesn’t help. Be kind to yourself, Self-compassion develops emotional resilience and remember that imperfection is a part of our shared human experience.
Drown out negative voices that are way too loud with chants of praise, love languages, encouraging and kind words and you can also recite or write down positive things about you.
When the self-criticism or negativity starts to creep up, remember You are more than enough.
- No need to compare
Comparison is a killer and you don’t want to fuel your self-doubt with it, when you often compare yourself to others you give more room to doubts.
Compare yourself to yourself, compare growth, successes, strength, weakness to see how far you’ve come, what you overcame, challenges you’ve crossed and learn from it
- Stop seeking for Validation
Have a mind of your own, voice and be yourself. Constantly seeking others opinion and living by their own standard doesn’t do anything for your confidence, doing this weakens your faith in yourself and places it on others.
Ask for advice but make a decision based on what feels right to you, only you can make a better decision for yourself except on very few occasions
- People don’t care that much
“what will people think”, “if I fail, they’ll call me a failure”
Stop worrying about what people might think or say about you when you do something, it’s a self-doubt booster. Think more about yourself forget others
- Setbacks are temporary
Always remember, in life setbacks are temporary. It takes you through dark lenses and lets you view things negatively but no; it is a trap.
Setback will never want you to go forward, you might see it as a new norm which will hinder you from forging ahead, trying new things and aiming for goals. Setbacks will make you think its over but it isn’t, it’s a step up.
Setback is a part of life, today things will go the way you want tomorrow it doesn’t- it happens to everyone who take chances. When it crosses your path say to yourself “because I failed doesn’t make me failure”, learn from very setbacks and Use the mistake or failure to your advantage and to move forward once again in smarter way.
- Trust yourself
Self-doubt cripples our ability to make important decisions but Knowing yourself, what you stand for, principles you abide by and knowing what is important to you becomes easier when it’s time to make decisions. In fact, it’s an antidote.
Don’t get lost in self- doubt while forgetting what you actually stand for.
- Don’t hold back
Yes, you’ve gone through some setbacks, failed at some point, made excuses for giving to self-doubt but don’t hold back because you don’t vulnerable or exposing yourself to criticism and failure.
Get things started and don’t be paralyzed by your experience with self-doubt, pick up your gut and self-confidence, give yourself as many opportunities as you can.
The moment you start trusting in yourself and not hold back, you’ll feel more confident, competent and relaxed in any situations.
- Celebrate your win
I say and do this a lot. I don’t care how little it is, I celebrate a feat.
Take yourself out, praise yourself, gift yourself something for that particular purpose, doing this will motivate you and recharge your spirit