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Nigeria; A Thousand Movie In One

Currently Nigeria looks like a “24” series but without a Jack Bauer, no CTU, a “Captain Phillips” with a mix of House of cards (break it down yourself), “a man of fire” movie without our John, Nigeria is a “den of thieves” filled with “Oceans 11, 12 & 13” but without the tech just lies, burning buildings and more than a sprinkle of threats here and there.  Trust me the women are not left out, some may be “Widows” and some are just “oceans 8”, well thought out and know what they are doing.

A country with great potentials but now I can’t keep up with whatever is happening in and with Nigeria, it’s a whole shit show claiming innocent lives, defrauding us of democracy, crumbling economy, insecurity filled with kidnaps and everyday death. We can’t seem to focus on one problem, we can’t fight because every minute another one arises except, we multitask our brain??

I laugh!

Okay, say we multitask the brain to be able to tackle every 30mins issue that arises, let me paint this scenario for the average Nigerian earning N50k. Nigerian A wakes up at 4.30am in Lagos (the last thing he read before going to bed was “Lai’s press conference about Buhari’s deleted tweet”), says his morning prayer gives thanks to God for seeing another day and prays for grace, safety for family and miraculous N3million. He goes to the kitchen to prepare breakfast but he ate the last noodle last night, “okay” he says to himself “I’ll get food from Iya Ruks”. He hurriedly takes his bath, dresses up so as not to miss his free ride and to avoid the usual morning traffic on Lagos road. So far so good everything went smoothly, he stepped into Iya Ruks shop to get something light but something light has become something heavy “Kilode na shey rice 150 leleyi… ejor now efisi di e” he requested for only rice N150 and meat N50 just because sapa reloaded. Half satisfied, he goes to the office hoping to start the day well but another kidnap story, another south east story, another missing person, proposed Nigerian new name and work threat. How can he multitask with all these when at the end of the day he has to face the night traffic, find food, go home and relax?

 Remember Hinny Umoren killer? What’s the story so far? What’s happening with Uduak the killer? Everything seem to have been swept under the rug – This is Nigeria!

Remember how parents of kidnapped Students from greenfield school had to pay millions of Naira to rescue their kids after 1 or 2 of them were killed by the kidnappers?– This is Nigeria!

The latest terror of “unknown gunmen”, bandits, herdsmen have become prevalent in all arears in our beloved country– This is Nigeria!

In light of everything happening in the country, bad economy, insecurity, no light, inflation, the most shocking news I read was the proposed United African Republic (UAR), Nigeria’s new name change the House of Reps received.

How? What is that new name going to solve? How and “how” did this supposed proposal cross this person’s mind? well, this is Nigeria!

We are facing a lot of problems in Nigeria and 100% of it all is our concern because while we are acting all cool, vibing, chilling and “liking the way we feeling”, the reggae will come and all of us must chop the breakfast if you haven’t started.

Sometimes, I like to think a “person” is in a cinema room (something like that of P-square) enjoying the movie  “Nigeria”, because this is a movie with a mix of every movie you have seen on earth, well except the Fast and furious franchise.

Nigeria is a thousand movies put tighter but without a savior, without a good CIA agent, without a Jack Bauer, without “Nobody”. Truth is, most of us are just here going ahead with our day-to-day activity hoping nothing terrible will happen like it has happened to others. We’re just here adjusting to the prices of things in the market even if there’s no increase in income, some are here waiting and trying to pass their IELTS so japa can be possible and then there are the prayer warriors who have been interceding for the country since forever (I’m curious, out of the list of  “Nigeria’s prayer request” which one has he answered?).

It’s hard to focus on one problem when everyday comes with series of problems. When people say “you people have forgotten about the kidnap of so and so” or “wow we have moved on” my mind goes berserk.

…and we still have the unanswered “Who ordered the shooting at lekki toll gate during #Endsars ?”

Christ, how can we keep up?



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